This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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