I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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