garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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