I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
