I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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