PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
