and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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