i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
