OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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