Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
