omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
