lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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