I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
