I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
