The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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