My liver just broke up with me...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
