I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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