I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
