it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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