how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
should my penis look like a turkey
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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