You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
