i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
