if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
