I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think people are normalizing furries
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
