cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
