So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I party with great urgency now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
