yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
