He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
