someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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