just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
