I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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