nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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