It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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