He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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