There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
