Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
