I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
