i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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