So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
