Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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