guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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