Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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