people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
