just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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