I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
