i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
