There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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