if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
