Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
