Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
