Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
