How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think my fart just growled at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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