he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
