ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
