ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
