i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
