I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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