great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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