what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
