Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
