dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize