I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize