You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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