Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
