Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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