he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
