Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
