I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
