Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
