Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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