I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
3pm strippers are depressing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
