at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
high people should be assigned attendants
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
