New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
