the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
